ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
