While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
