Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
