we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
