I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
