i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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