This is not my ceiling
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
