When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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