It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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