My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
