I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
