Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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