I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
