im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He has the fingertips of a God
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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