I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize