gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
