The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
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Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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