Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
