i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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