i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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