Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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