I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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