the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
