well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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