Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
