if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
