i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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