Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
