we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
