I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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