i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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