Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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