Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
