Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
