i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
