I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
