so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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