he shaved USA in his pubs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
