i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
