Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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