Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
