i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
