We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
