I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
