I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
