I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Say something about gay babies.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry my hands just texted you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
