and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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