so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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