I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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