I got chris browned last night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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