i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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