oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
