the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
