dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
