Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
