I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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