hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
