The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
