I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
