We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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