i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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