I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
