TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
