So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
