just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
