I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
