woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
