So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
being pregnant is like rehab
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
