i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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