I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
