I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
